omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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