sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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