ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
