im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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