i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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