Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
