Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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