yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
