I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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