4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize