I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize