i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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