id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
