I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
