Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
