i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
