Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fuck appropriateness.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
