Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
