I understand why you refuse to be sober now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
