I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
