i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
