just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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