when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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