Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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