I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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