I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
