i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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