True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
