i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
