Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
