all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
