peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
