Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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