so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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