So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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