I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
