The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
