the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
