her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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