Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
