When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
