we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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