Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
