dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
