just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize