All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
