I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize