He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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