real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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