Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
