The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize