First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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