How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We are two peas in an std pod
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
