I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
