Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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