38 yer olds are good kisserssss
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
