it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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