just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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