my sisters under your porch take her home
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
